朋友..生命的支柱....

在友情上,不曾想过会是如今面对的问题...
其实也不至于不能与身边的朋友沟通还是什么..反而,她们对我很好.

承认自己是把爱情看得很重要,而忽略了身边一直存在的幸福..朋友带给我的幸福..
18岁,离开了中学生涯,发现自己真的踏上了每个人都得走的路,前往不知的未来... 看到未来,却预料不到途中的挑战....
开始与朋友一起生活,好象一家人,但是我之前都没有发现他们的重要性... 不曾想过,原来友谊之间也需要迁就,体谅,关心与信任,还有更重要的是,坦诚相待....我们四人当中, 问题最多是我..
因为感情,我的嫉妒心,差点让我失去了开朗,大方,可爱,原谅的朋友....
因为我的粗心,与自私,我让她一个人承受,压抑... 还要若无其事的面对我和他....
因为我的固执与短见,我让我和 另一个她 之间有了距离... 我们不在有话直说...对她们 三人, 我心里深感内疚与自责....
一切一切,,, 发生了...
但是.. 她们却是拉回把自己困在深谷的我... 成了我的倾听者,支持着我....听我哭诉..安慰我..
心里的感激,我无法表达, 有你们,,我看到了友情的真挚... 谢谢你们,,,

......sad blog??diary?? gone...

read again what i have written all these times.. i feel that my blog id sad... i dont want to...
but my mind is occupied with something that i dont know whether to delete or to keep it...
its confusing... to be determined is my weakness , someone told me not to change who i am now... told me to be myself...
i just ended one relationship, still cant let go,, hoping him to take me to the start...
i still think that its a shame for us to part..
but everything has already become a realistic.. i cant change.. i promised myself not to tear for him again but i did again yeaterday... i hate myself.. i want to kee those memories in my heart... very very deep bottom of my heart.. nevermine.. everthing fades with time...

its nice to write here knowing no one will read this.. save energy. save pen ink as i dont need to write diary anymore.. my diary ends with our relationship.... i wont write diary again.. but replace it with blogging.. because it wont make me think about the past...

另一种幸福..

21st sept.. we had a party.. i were invited to join a bbq party organized by my secondary school's frends.. we had it at han wei's house.. it has been one years i didnt meet them.. i always avoided to meet them.. hmm.. why??haha.. the party was really fun...no regret but pleased that i went there..
23rd sept.. i meet two gangs or friends...
i as the organizer but nazirul has done the most stuff to contact the malays.. but none malay has come.. the party was mostly chinese and indian.. anyway, it was really to meet them again..hehe..
mogana will be a bahasa tamil teacher soon, but she already looks like a teacher now..
saraswathy wants to become an engineer, like me, samuel and jun kai...
samuel has grown fatter than before whereas, wei khang, become nice looking...
everybody has changed in their appearances but not in their personalities ans habits.. how fun and miss the days we had together..
after dismiss.. i ,again.. join the bedong friends.. chein yee, feng qi and ka yong. chein yee was the main character that day.. we had her bufday countdown at starbucks sp...
feng qi prepared a very nce bufdday present for her.. 19 bird eggs soaked in red,(represent her current age) cookies and brownies cake.. wau,, it was wonderful.. really...

24th sept.. i was with my dad.. we sent some goodies to a customer in bandar bharu..and there was a night market(pasar malam ).. i walking along the stalls with my dad!!!! can you imagine that?? oh.. i never walked with my dad like that before.. it was.. undescribeable happiness...
ilove him.. we bought cendol.. (i finished it up and he had to buy another one)
one fried bihun, and fried mee ....anf some fish ball sticks.. nice larrrrrrrrrr!!! i love u dad!!!

内心的挣扎

已经两个月了..我突然感到忧伤..
告诉过自己,不可再为你流泪..但是, 有时侯, 眼泪还是不听使唤..
心情还是会低落..去到我们曾经留下回忆的地方, 又回想起我们的过去.
从我们分手那天开始, 你是否觉得被释放了? 我一直让自己相信,你不是那么想的,
心里还是希望着你对我还有那么一点点的感觉, 就算没有,至少还会发现我的存在.
你都放下了吗? 如果我说我还在期待着你回头,你会给我什么反应?
有几次冲动想直接找你谈谈,挽救我们的感情,但是却没有勇气....
我怪自己的情绪化,怪我的自私,怪我不体谅你.... 怪自己要求太多...我知道自己的问题了
我总是摆着一张黑脸面,不开心时只顾自己的感受,等待你自己发现你错什么,等待你哄我开心.也不会告诉你我气什么.... 对不起...会说我只懂得说,却没有行动去解决它,这不完全是错的, 因为我没有真正的去改变.... 一直为自己找借口,钻牛角尖....我讨厌这样的我
从朋友打听你, 他却给了我不能接受的事..我不相信,我不敢去相信,更不敢去接受....
打听到很多不该听到的事, 非常介意,也失望过,但是我发觉自己不能生气你...
我明白现在说这些都是没有必要,没有意思,... 也许想让你知道我的想法.
我会在这里写下这些, 是因为我有好多好多东西想告诉你,也想知道你的事情,但是我没有勇气找你.....告诉我你还是对我有感觉的,至少....

我是怎么了?我以为自己已经没事了,以为我可以若无其事地对待你,但是,开学后,每天遇见你,都是不能不自然...我不应该再在呼你的事, 本来就不应该...

my holidays...

my holidays.. two weeks.. short but satisfiying..
met frends.. went out with parents..
hav had wonderful but normal time...

i went to my secondary school.. and finally talked to the teache i admire very much-mr Lhye..
hehe,.. he never taught me.. but he was the only teacher i admired during my high school time..
he is a tall man.. man.. hehe.. not very handsome but very bergaya... like his style.. hehe..

went to metro hospital to make the medical check up...cost me RM197
met my childhood frend.. rajiv. he is the doctor to be. studying in russia.. how proud...
then we tian's brother, wei min going to be lawyer in a private firm this year...
wow.... lawyer and doctor to be... hehe

then i met my juniors. miss them alot la...
my sister came back last weekend.. just to meet me..
i feel good when she is with me.. feel like safe and harmony...
just like to be with my sister,,, sis, i love u!!!!
felt that she has changed.. she became a nicer person.. more cheerful and nore sniling on her face.. i like the way she talks, the way she laughs.. the way she angry...
she is so special....

tomorrow , going back to shah alam .. then exam..haiz.. done everything that i wished to, but didnt study.. i gonna fail in my exam.. help!!!

i think i hav goe to my normal life.. hope so!!!!
be strong, be happy!!!

friends forever

finally.made myself clear..
i am feeling better now..after chatting with u,i realised that i feel more comfortable to be ur friend.. do u feel the same way too??

it doesnt hurt anymore when i look back our pictures.instead, i feel the sweetness and recall those happy times.. i appreciate that very very much.. it would be the best present u gave me since i know u.. it doesnt mean that i have to own u if i love u.. in our case, let go is the better way, a right decision...
i hope u are relief and happier now.. because i am ...
really hope that we can be normal friend but special in some ways too...

just want to let u knoe that, u were my best ex boyfrend forever,
i had those happiness from u,
u meant everything for me
no one made me felt this ways.
and sorry for my selfishness,
sorry for failing to change..
i am happy to know u.
friends forever!!!!! =）
(i still hope to read ur blog，so updated yeah.. hehe)

终于明白

It's been the longest winter without you I didn't know where to turn to See somehow I can't forget you After all that we've been through
Going coming thought I heard a knock Who's there no one Thinking that I deserve it Now I realize that I really didn't know If you didn't notice you mean everything Quickly I'm learning to love again All I know is I'm gon' be ok
[Chorus:] Thought I couldn't live without you It's gonna hurt when it heals too It'll all get better in time And even though I really love you I'm gonna smile cause I deserve to It'll all get better in time
I couldn't turn on the TV Without something there to remind me Was it all that easy To just put aside your feelings
If I'm dreaming don't wanna laugh Hurt my feelings but that's the path I believe in And I know that time will heal it If you didn't notice boy you meant everything Quickly I'm learning to love again All I know is I'm gon' be ok

这是我听过数百次的歌词。之前，听了都不明白，更不会有感触。
但是今天的我，听了却好像找到了同志。这首歌，完全反映了我的心情，我的心声。
相信时间能冲淡一切。

到现在，还是会想知道他在做些什么，想知道他是否开心，想知道他明天，后天，大后天会去哪里，作甚么。但是。。。。
虽然结局不是我想要的，但是我还是得接受事实。就像爸说的，不值得去用心的东西，别再浪费时间去想。把全部心思放在学业上更好。
至少我们有过回忆，有过快乐，有过同样的梦想，有过同样的默契，有过彼此的真心对待，这样想的话，也许会更好过。 要学会受伤，学会接受，学会开朗。