malaysian!

It was a Saturday,where I would have my day with revision. But today, I attended Summer Gathering organized by Ben Foo,the president of MSAJ Kantou Division.
So the day started as I woke up at 9.50am which I had planned to wake up at 6am to do some revision.. But like usual, I overslept..not the first time for me though..
Departed from hazama station,went to komaba to get my cellphone charger which I have left there with Irma,the indonesian girl I met during the Asean Festival.. Asked Suzana to wait for us and go to the Staff Apartment in shibuya,which the summer gathering held..
we were late, and lost during the journey..
we were supposed to reach there at 1pm, instead, we were late for almost 45mins..
met 20 over people there.. All Malaysians..
the event was quite fun,not in the sense of fun of the event, but enjoyed talking and knowing them..
I got to know cliff, fahmi from yokohama university, adaham the president of KUJ,salam,IBT student (was the Penghulu during the BTN we went to last year),and lots of them..
after the event, we walked form the apartment to ikebukuro station. 20mins walking under the hot weather, just to save 160yen.. Everybody was sweating but we talked to each other all along the journey.
Talked to tian you ,quite a lot. And then know another new friend,Zen.. We met during the Asean Festival but we didn’t talk.. We talked a lot about him. He came here under FAMO scholarship(father and mother) and is working in a resturant in ginza. The cost of meals is expensive, according to him, it cost 6000-7000yen per dish,which is equal to RM300 per dish.. Cannot imagine what they eat..

finally, we reached ikebukuro and had our dinner in a malaysian restaurant named MALYCHAN






It was a lovely night having malaysian food with malaysians..

机会

机会本来在你眼前，但是因为没有勇气，
机会当然不留人，几分钟内，失去了。

但是，就是因为这一个“但是”
事情有好，也有坏。

本来已经失去的机会，因为他的宽然，
我得到我已失去的机会。
这是我感到很庆幸的事。

但是，因为这是“重得的机会”，
变成了一个负担，一个责任，一个内疚,一个让我有了压力的事。

负担，是因为我有了责任
责任是因为我必须把责任作的更好（这是我犹豫的一点）
内就是因为我忘恩，
压力是因为我在乎被人的看法。。

我忘恩了吗？
没错，我有时候是不想面对你，那是我的不好。
有时候候又不想每件事情都有你的存在我才有勇气去做，
也有时候是我不想让你看到我的缺点（虽然被看透了）
想让自己更有面对自己的事情的勇气，去决定而不逃避。
毕竟，是我自己的事，自己该决定，面对的事。。

问了他对他自己会有怎样的要求，因为我觉得自己有很多很多要求，要达到的。
他说，做好现在的本分，是最实际。
我却觉得，不是那方面的要求，而是对自己能做到，和想做的事。
我很想知道。。。

an hour talk

had my class as usual,with the hardly opened eyes and heavy head...
inorganic chemistry lesson was quite fun today as we learnt about the ceramics and fractures..
until then, i thought the things we can see,touch and feel are in 1,2 and 3 dimensions... But instead, it is not just 1,2,and 3... we learnt that things can come with decimal figures even less than 1D.. It was surprising..^^
finished my morning class until 10.30am and went to restroom beside library as we are not allowed to go baack to hostel before noon time. met sze yang and mardi there.. and again. me and sze yang chatted again, for 1 and a half hour..hmm..i would like to keep it as a secret ^^.. but it is really nice to talk to sze yang..
i have no idea on the creativity experiments which have to be started in august and september, the summer holiday.. no idea!!! we have come out with some ideas like making a soap , adding substances into soap. but was rejected by our supervisor.
so each of us have to come out wit 3 ideas. i have been sticking my eyes on the laptop screen.. eyes become heavier and pain..gambatte

two emotional girls....

as usual, i woke up late on monday again.. haha..
rush into the bathroom, then rush to the kitchen then go to school...
again. like usual, teachers always late...Japanese not so punctual too... ^^

my days started with easy maths class but then continued with the experiments which i worry the most, and dislike the most,,
today, we did the catalyze of acetanilide.. haiz.. heating up the substances for more than one hours, and didn't know how much water we should add in. and completed with guessing.. and it was the problem occurred. we both didn't know how to and worried about failing experiments again since we had failed many times before.. and here, this two girls were in bad mood. the little girl ,as usua, ordering people with the annoying japanese desu-masu tenses.. as if the words brought high amplitude with hurt my ears and my mind.. and this tall girl started to feel annoyed and keeping here mouth shut throughout the experiments.
And,small conflict happened when two of us have different idea and thoughts on the experiments.we asked the labarotory assistant , and she sounded like i was the one who made things complicated.. okay! I misundertood because i didn't make the procedures clear before the experiments.. but could u stop using desu masu tenses or the requesting tenses?? arghhh..

It was geram-ing, but things changed to normal again when our experiment succeeded!! the catalyst turned out shinning like slices of diamonds filling the water.. so pure it made our dissatisfaction gone and we calmed down, smiling to each other again..
and i did talk to her, asking her not to use desu masu tenses..
may be u will feel strange why i dun like her to use desu masu tenses.. because it makes me feellike we have a very huge gap between us...
so that is for the story when two emotional girls working together..^^
3pm,an hour before my next class, i went to shopping centre near my hostel, ito yokado and within 40min,i spent 4000yen(Rm150)for a bag , normal beg...=.=''
school for today ended. went for a walk .. it was a hot day.. like Malaysia.. ^^
finished blogging, now report!!

无能为力，还是不够坚决？

脑袋装满了很多对自己不满的事。

不喜欢自己没有主见，不喜欢自己没有目标，
不喜欢自己没有长处，不喜欢自己那么情绪化，
不喜欢花心思去讨好别人，不喜欢自己那么在意别人对自己的看法，
不喜欢自己没有努力去珍惜机会，不喜欢自己没有本事，
不喜欢被人说没自信，
更不喜欢现在因为书写能力差所以想表达却表达不出的感觉

自从有了想法以来，有很多事情，不是因为自己心里想做，而想做，
反而是因为看见别人比自己好，而想去做。
很多时候，想想自己对生活，对自己的要求，才发现，原来，我不是因为自己想要，而是因为羡慕别人，
觉得自己也应该能做到。所以很多事情，都不能坚持到最后，不能复出我１００分的努力。

今天谈起了英语。英语，算了。
不写了，写报告书更实际。晚安。

failed my experiments .. for the n times.

it is 1.40am,i just piled up my books and papers on the left side of my desk, and got my laptop in front of me...
streema music is playing, the fan is moving on top of my head
feeling dizzy, throat is soring..

heard that someone had been admitted to hospital and i found out she was my senior,who gave me a book which helped me out on my studies. sze yang said she was acting very weird these days..
lydia is not around as she is now in Poland, representing Tokyo kosen in the Imagine Cup Competition.. she will come back this Saturday i guess..
have been having breakfast, lunch and dinner alone. didnt really met the Malaysians these days as we were busy.

i had my experiment on acetylation of aniline.. my tutor and i have been waiting for the heating progress for 2 hours, the crystal had come out with a nice shining pink substance, but the lecturer wanted us to dry the crystal with the drying machine as our crystal was still in humid..
so we put it into the machine ans went back after one hour.. and the result was, everything had gone.. the crystal was there anymore, instead of a thin layer unknown substances.. it was still fine with that, the worse thing was, we have to come out with a reason why this happend and a lot la!!hate this..

The mood goes up and down recently..i have exploded a few time in front of Tj as a result of couldnt stand up with the way he talked.. Tj, sorry for this, but i really have to say this.have told u that it would be better to talk usually instead of teasing people..
sorry that i didnt control my emotion well and u can blame me on this.i have used to this, as fu wei always got himself stressed up because of my fast changing emotion..=)
but still, you are good in some ways too(for mentioning me in ur blog.lol)enjoyed the moment exploring the inner side of hachioji, to the restaurant named GUSTO.which is far away from where we got down from the densha... (though it was another GUSTO just down the street from the station)

these few days, he wasn't happy.. he sounded tired, unhappy and worried about a lot of things..
i understand his problem, but i couldnt cheer him up everytime he is down.. i feel down whenever he is down.my emotion is connected to his.
it is ot a good thing, instead it is annoying me.. i do not like the feeling of couldnt do anyhting but just listen to his whining and problems.. though he doesnt talk into detail, because he know , confiding isnt the solution..

i wish i could cheer him up, but i was lost, remained silence...
and the conversation ended up with silent...


this evening,received mail from narumi, my classmate, asking me to go for dinner..
i joined though i had had my dinner..6 of us(narumi, airi, taira,tonosaki and kikuchi)went to a restaurant nearby.. it was fun though i coulnt understand everyhting..narumiwas trying hard to explain their conversation to me. she is such a nice girl..
enjoyed the dinner..

the joyous time always end very fast..
no one to share the happiness, so facebook become the replacement...


what i could do is just let u be alone, i know u will be ok soon...u always will

weekend..

this i the most free weekend i have.. free.. free. free..
i planned to do my revision for next coming exam in august.. because i wouldnt have time for revision for these coming weeks until then..so i woke up late and sleep late too ..
it is rare for me to have the feeling and spirit and concentration to study. and i got it yesterday.. i could, but i ended up using the time for the hokkaido trip preparation.. haiz..
its ok.. last nite, i talked to my family, for almost 2 hours.. ^^ happy. my dad is handsome like always and my mom is cute like always too..
jia dong , still as cheerful as he was..

but today, i totally lost the concentration on studies...
help!!