was so stress with my calculus,cried like a child again.broke out as lydia came into my roomit was coincident.so embarrasing!
tj kept smsing me.which i dun like bcz i felt my privacy is invaded.my mood turned bad when the thought things i have to do.called fuwei as i needed to hear his voice.which makes me calm when i am sad,(depends on his mood)he was unwrapping the presents he received the moment icalled.again.wrong timing,he called me back few minutes after that.i felt much much better.thanks fuwei!

fu wei's birthday!!

today is his birthday ..
i bought a piece of cake, 3 love shaped candles and made a card for him..
but i couldnt share the cake with him.. it is in my refrigerator now..

he is having exam.. no time for him to celebrate birthday>??
2 days ago they , the nagaoka ian s went to a restaurant called chacha?? liek okonomiyaki.. (japanese style barbecue)
he had his time there for sure!!



happpy birthday to u quah fu wei!!lovEe~~~~

days with nescafe

since the first month i come to japan, my days are all about COFFEE!!!
no coffee, no energy=sleepy!!!

days are longer than night... coffee is the healer for my sleepless day.

one of the coffee i ma drinking everyday here.. gotta upload every can of my drunk cooffee cans.. hehe.. can become a collection.. lol.. have u heard of people collecting coffee cans?
hmm.. two days to go.. there will be my first exam studying in japan.. i hate this, we have no time for revision before the exam and they expect us to get good results/.. how could it possible?? anyway, there are some one who could.. like my tutor.. she is brilliant! but a bit cool.. haiz..

today is a cold day. below 20degree celceius ..
rainy day,,,
i was in the good mood studying, but the 線形代数just made me become stress!! it is !!!terible with all the kira kira

foreign students and tutors's guidance

it was another rainy day today... the weather is cool , and feels good..
had a 2 1/2hour nap yesterday, i didn't sleep in class!! big applause for me!! haha
analysis chemistry and organic chemistry classes werent that difficult if u listen and focus in class..
lol.. regret that i slept almost in every class.it is exam next week!! too late!

my tutor became weird again today. a bit moody..
we had an assembly in the gymnasium. listening to principal's speech on history of technology.
and it was BORING!!! no one was listening to him i could bet..
hmm.. there still someone perhaps.. as some of them rose their hands when principal asked questions..or they just simply rose their hands?? lol//

3pm, a meeting among tutors ,foreign students and two lectures was helg in the library..
they have their contracts signed and being told their responsibility being a tutor.
and the man thing is, they get paid!!! lol.. i also want to be tutor!!

another tiring day...

satisfied!!!

another satisfied day!!!
i woke up at 8.04am and nearly late for the tenkou.. so bad..
ate quater of pancake made that day..and rushed for the tenkou..
left the hostel, and walked slowly towards the classroom...
it was 8.30am, and thought of fu wei,.didnt call, he was supposed to be
having class already, i thought...

first period was oral communication by mr henscheid in 5201room.. but it was too early
and the classroom was stil locked.

inorganic experiments classes has ended last week, so we are free for these few periods. i went back to hostel and spent the half day on my rereport..
drawn a satisfiying picture of electrolysis...!!


wao, satisfied with the pic. haha..
then, went to the boring culture class,listening to boring things. fell asleep..==

these few days, get well with tj.. we talked a lot when we meet each other.. but i feel uneasy when he calls me, or asks me something privacy..
hmm..
he is a nice guy anyway..
we went to the nearest shopping mall called ito youkado , for our dinner..
fulled.. tj said my belly became bigger.. wth!!

bought sewing set, i wanna learn sewing!!!! like tj said: do whatever u want to do!! just do it!!
i wanna learn handmade things... yahoo!!!
satisfied day for me, happy and without worries.
i hope my days will just like today...
chye sin!!! love urself!!

first step toward changes

two weeks ago, jun hao mailed me a message, asking me to help him with the ASEAN Festival preparation.i hesitated.. from the bottom of my heart,i wanted to join such things so much,but desires were covered by my unconfident and coward..
i worried that i cant help much, i worry ro communicate with scholars from 10other asean countries in japan, i was afraid and worried so much about everything,trivial things..
but in the end, i did agreed to help him, i joined his bureau..
there was first meeting organised by jun hao at komaba house,on 23rd may 2010.
i went with tj..
things went wrong when subasni(secretarry of msaj kantou)offered a post of vice secretary.
jun hao didnt want AJK to help him in the festival and now i hav promised subasni to become her assistant.not serious conflict occured, but jun hao wantes us to think about that,tj has been offered another post of career and academic bureau.
tj said he will post the position.
my posting of vise assistant is in confirmation, but suba told me that it is almost confirmed that i will get the post..
this challenges is in front of me, coming to me soon..this is the time i could gain my experience and overcome my weakness. my confidence..
　i have taken the challenges to change myself under lydia's advises and encourage..she told me a lot. that i have been underestimated myself, being no confidence without trying, and no determination on my pint of view.. i knew that, i hav been a coward, afraid of changing , afraid of taking risks.and for years, i wanted to change but i didnt..now, there is the chance, for me.. for myself, to love myself, to be a better me...
gogogo chyesin!!!

saturday!!!

the exam is near but i still have a lot of assignments to do. slept 3am this morning and woke up at 10am .day is long but i have been wasting the time fishing in front of my books, with pens on my hand.

11.30am, made lunch and pancake with lydia!!!

wow. fmaking pancake for the first time!!look nice huh?? hehe..

and it tasted nice also!! with butter cream and strawberry jam on top of it!!

i am missing him. i want to sms him ,but he doesnt like to sms.. hmm..what should i do?? how to get rid of my sleepiness?? i want to study!!!!

tomorrow, will be joining jun hao's bureau on the asean festival, and there is the 1st meeting of us tomorrow. yesterday was jia zi's birthday but we will celebrate for her tomorrow, going to harajuku!!! yahoo!! shopping!!!!

however, the forecast says that it gonna raining tomorrow.. haiyo!!

anyway, i am nervous about tomorrow's meeting, !!! who and what kind of people will i meet there?? hehe

a tiring and stressingweek..

this week had been a hard week for me.. the assignments were given by the sensei as if we are very very free and as if we have a lot of time to do those freaking things.

just had two reports to redo, but the JUST is not just a JUST..it makes me stayed awake for days,

and the exam is on the corner. no time to sleep , no time to revise, no time to play, no time to go shopping, no time to do my favourite things..

yuri helped me a lot with my experiment c(electrolysis of NaCl).. she is joyous even the studies is stressful.. i did the report in her room , until 4am , lydia slept early that nite.

today, i slept in the classes.. too tired.. couldnt get my eyes open even for 10seconds,,

ended up with question marks with the lecture, and i left the class without saying bye to yuri..

mayuko was admitted into the hospital 3am this morning,because of appendix . how about her exam??

i skipped the jasmani class, slept ....

the night, we , foreign students in tokyo kosen had dinner together at sizeria italian restaurant.10 of us(job was absent)had a discussion about how we being treated by the japanese , and we were finding a solution for the problem..

the problem is that the japanese is looking at us foreign students in a small group compared to the japanese,, a little mistake done by one of us affected the whole group ..

suba wants us to cooperate and work as one group, do our responsibility and earn back their respects towards us..i gave no comments and i felt my existance a minor one.

i am depressed on my self ..the feeling of not being good enough as a student, a friend and a scholar,has been growing stronger and stronger.. found myself rely on people more than before and i still, mind how people judge me.. heard tj said that sze yang said i have no own perception , (tiada pendirian sendiri).. i mind how people judge me.. and i knw that a person cant be success if he or she minds how people think about him or her..

i starts to feel useless.. i told xinyi about this, she gave me a nice one. learn to love yourself

learning to love myself.. yea, i hav not been loving myself that much.. if i hav had loved myself much, i would hav think about my future, my dreams and what my heart really wants..

thing doesnt go smoothly these days.. feel unsafe with fu wei and me relationship..

开心

2010 年5月10~14日

这一个星期，除了忙只能说忙。

因为报告，每天都是凌晨三点后才睡。

再加上两个星期后的中期考试的温习。就连温习都还没开始过。

这次糟了，真的糟了。

不能想象我的成绩会是怎样的。

不知道是不是已经习惯了这种生活，

我这几天都没有低落，没有压力。

我喜欢这样的我。

打给家人的时间不是没有，就是没有像到。

上星期六（母亲节的前夕）打了同电话给妈妈。

妈的声音，让我感觉到她很开心，但是却忍不住流眼泪。

我在电话的另一个尽头，笑妈妈别哭。

爸爸就很关心，问了很多很多，直安慰我在功课上，生活上的问题，

而有趣的是，我并没有诉苦的意思。

爸爸心里是很担心我，我懂。

他还说，需要的东西就别省，该买就买，

它可以寄钱给我。==

什么吗，我在这里想存钱回家，他在另一头说要寄钱给我，好可爱。

本来计划今年夏天回马，但是最后还是决定不会了。

到日本还没一年就回家，不太想哦

我。。

重要，不重要。

什么事情对你而言，是重要的？什么又是不重要的？

2010年5月8日的凌晨，与lydia在宿舍二楼呆了一个晚上。

聊了一些关于人生的话题。

现在的我，在日本求学，是为了什么？

现在的我，一无是处。

现在的我，轻易放弃。

现在的我，不勇于尝试。

现在的我，优柔果断。

现在的我，不知足。

我不喜欢现在的我。

已经二十岁了，思想行动都不成熟。

脑袋里，心里，都有很多很多想学，想做的事情。

但是往往因为小小的不如意而放弃。

其实这并不是我刚想到的问题，

在长大过程中，我学会听，学会思考，但是就只空于想，

没有行动。我知道自己的缺点，要改，但是最大的缺点就是

不会因为要而去争取。

我没有试过去争取，更没有试过去努力。

非常羡慕那些有梦想，有目标的人。

就算他们没有达到自己设好的目标，

梦想还没城真，

但至少他们心里懂自己要的是什么。

在长大过程中，我有过梦，有过爱好，

但是因为没有坚持，被学业，爱情，朋友关系朦胧了眼睛，

让有过的梦，以忙为借口，随着岁月流逝、。。。