After so long.. I finally updated

I thought I have deleted my blog accidentally and fortunately it wasn't!

It has been a while since I updated! Super duper busy in lab now, doing synthesis and studying everyday.Chatting and eating and drinking sometimes after monthly presentation.
Having great fun and doing healthy life because I started to work out recently.

Have a lot of thoughts in my mind like always, but I am going to figure them out!
Discover more about myself, bring out my better self!

good night people.

P/S: I know there might be no one out there reading my blog but deep down in my heart, I am hoping there is someone reading this. XD (so that I wont feel like I am talking to a white screen) hahahah

Till then!

Chyesin

Feeling lost

I am feeling lost, for months, or I perhaps for years... I has been finding the path that I want to go, but I still havent found my real dream. People say: Dream big! 

But I dont have a dream! so how can I dream big??? 

My dream? hmm, I have been looking for my interest, my hobby or my dream for these 20years.I believe there a lot of 20s yound men and ladies are in the same condition as mine, but this should not be the excuse for me to feel relieved. I know I got to do something about this. 

There are actually a lot of options for me to choose, I can either continue my master in Japan, or go overseas to do my master, or stop my major in engineering, or work in Japan, or go back Malaysia for good, after graduating in 2015. You see, there are lots of options for me, but yet, I am lost. 

May be I am insecured about where ny choice will lead me, or may be I am fear to take the next step because I always tend to stay in the comfort zone. (well, there are some exeption though) or I should go with no plan and be spontaneous! i must be kidding myself! 

I cant even go out to Tokyo withoit planning! what to mention to graduate without have my next step decided?!? 

end of the post.(no conclusion) 

Feeling grateful and touched

 I may not know about myself, my dream or my interest.But I am certain about one thing- I am loved. . 

The moment when you feel helpless, and there is someone who assist you through the fear. The moment when you have a broken heart, there is someone who stay by your side and listen to you. Then moment when you are bored, there is someone who stop their work on hand and talk to you. The moment when you need help in moving to a new place,and  there was someone who planned everything for you that you dont have to worry much. The moment that you cant make a decision and there is someone who analyst the situation and make you listen to your voice of your heart. They are my sister,my family,my friends, my junior, my senior... they are the people around me. They are not just passing by, but actually leave great impacts in my life.

All these moments, are always in my mind, should not be and will never be forgotten. Because it reminds me of how lucky and happy I am. 

Every little happening in my days,I am certain that I am a lucky person. Thank you, to you, and you and you. everyone who came across my life, making it beautiful and meaningful that I can't be more grateful than this. 

Happiness

'' Stop thinking about what others think about you because in the end they just don't matter.''

''Do what makes you happy. 

Be with someone who makes you smile. 

Laugh as much as you breathe. 

Love as long as you live.''

Have a nice weekend! 

memories

 Started to feel unwell since last night. My throat is always dry even though I drank a lot of water, I can feel the heat burning in my eyes and nose, making me very uncomfortable and tired.
Perhaps the changing weather is one of the reason. It's summer here!

I found out some pictures I took last March with my family and friends in the memory card for my camera. they were all pictures back in home, with friends and family. and Fooooodddd!!!
I guess I miss home after long time. Miss my papa, mama, sister, brothers and my best friend!
Havent talked to them for some time.

My family, too bad my youngest brother wasnt with us.

My best sister in the world.

I forgot what this call. but it is one of my favorite food!

chinese rice dumpling (bak-zhang)

popiah

Chicken chop in black pepper sauce.

The new pet in our house! 

grabdma and her grand-grandchild

Steamboat for my birthday celebration!

Sister and her boyfriend and my best friend!

The sweetest couple, Mr and Mrs Tang

sister and friend, always my biggest support!

 Although I miss home, but I decided not to go home this summer. whenever I thought of saying goodbye to my parents , or waving hand to my sister/brother at the airport, I refrain to think of going back.
So I guess I will find some activities to fill my summer holiday!

换焕心情

如果你有follow我的部落格，你应该发现我最近又打回原形，

变得对身边很多事情都杞人忧天，觉得这个不好，那个很讨人厌。失落的心情开始多了。

是因为对大学生活厌倦了吗？好快哦。

刚入学2 个月半，学业上开始有了压力，今天才拿到红字的考卷纸；

朋友也不再增加，可以参加的活动也少了。

但是很庆幸的是，朋友发现我不开心，

主动提出一起温习的意见。

还有朋友问候我。

知道自己堕入了低落期，

决定换一换发型。

嗯，看起来和之前的直发没有什么分别，

只是现在的头发不会那么扁扁塌塌的。

最近又是雨季。

前几天，心里想做些年轻时可以疯狂的事。我这个人不好动也不勇敢。

连club也没去过。

进了筑波大学后，参加了叫野外活动的课外活动。

上个星期四，有个活动叫作“筑波大学地下探险”

我们12人，从人孔（manhole）潜入地下道。

目标是从大学宿舍的地下道走到大学的本栋。

地下道有宿舍的公水管道，电气cable，大学附属医院的变电所等。

走过一段容易走的通道，在穿过烂泥，

也经过小小的铁桥。

途中迷路了，达不到目的地，

但是却走到了２ｋｍ以外的大学研究本所。

好刺激，好开心！

❤For spaghetti

I know I have been posting a lot these days. Because I am too free in dorm. Nothing to do except surfing internet and watching drama or whatever TV programs. =( so I tried to go out when I dont feel lazy.
Two days ago, I went to Sony Service Station in Akihabara to take my camera. I broke my camera lens during a trip two weeks ago. heartache! because the camera is still a new one and I paied JPY11,760 for the repairing. It was definitely and absolutely expensive because with that price, I could buy a new camera!! But what could I do? the camera was still new so I have to repair it instead of buying a new one.

So, mentioning about Akihabara, it would be all about electronic devices, Animation, free duty etc.. none is my interest. I always plan wherever I go before going out. But this time, I tried to do something spontaneous, without any help from GPS or gourmet search engine in internet. I tried to walk from the Sony repair center to somewhere center of Akihabara, but guess what,I went to the wrong direction again!!!!! walk to the next station, the Okachimachi Station =.=''

But eventually, I got myself back to the Akihabara Station. Not a success in fact, it was a failure, because I wanted to go somewhere in the middle of the town but I went back to the starting point.

Fed up with my trying, I went to atré just at the top of the Akihabara Station. hehehe.. 

Found this restaurant. spaghetti again...

Love this little daisies decorated on the table. Alone at the table, feel a little uncomfortable. 

Salad and bread for appetizer.

Oyster spaghetti. cant recall the name of the dish. hehe

Yum yum yummy! 

A little uncomfortable to enter a restaurant alone (my first time I guess?) and this really made me worry if I can get used to this soon because I will be all alone from this April in Tsukuba. Sounds lonely but in some point, it is a chance for me to be independent. Will make new friends in new environment, but still I am living alone, so the loneliness is inevitable. But, I will try my best to look for fun thing and challenges in my new life!!

Life is Beautiful;Like Colors

These are color pencils. each of them could make up awesome drawing, red, white, orange,pink. purple,green, etc....be it purple and blue that I love, or  pink that not my type, they make perfect combinations sometimes.

just like life, it is colorful because we feel different colors of feeling when come across with everything everyday.

What is your favorite color? =)

I love colors... (love)

Rant

I have been think about my current life for the past year. May be I have been here in the same place for almost three years and I start to fed up with this life. How did they just spent their 5 years time in this boring Kosen? well, I spent 6 years in the same primary school and 5 years on the same secondary school, why I didn't find boring during that 11 years??
May be I had a target, something I wanted to achieve for, like UPSR, PMR and SPM that made me look forward to everyday.

But now in Kosen, life is really boring.
When I come to think about having fun in this busy city, I don't know how.I guess I have to blame this on my poor sense of direction.haha. XD  I have been to Shibuya,Shinjuku,Shimokitazawa,Kichijyouji,.etc all those nice shopping and hang out srea for many times in this three years, and I still not familiar with the places. Like one time,I went to a Korean restaurant in Shibuya, and the next time I wanted to bring my friends there,I couldnt find the restaurant anymore. HMMMM....What can I do about this??

Okay I am done with my ranting to kill my time.haha.
I think I should pu at least one picture in every post to make it not so boring. But dont have much picture to upload,can I just upload my camwhore pic??? okay,I am joking..zzzz


till later!! I want to update about a coffee shop I went yesterday so much but pictures still unter ediitng heheh...see you again!!!

Sense of accomplishment; 達成感；成就感

Come to realized that I have never had a feeling if satisfaction or accomplishment on doing something.
Everything I have achieved until now, I made it with a thought of responsibility, something that I have to do.
UPSR,PMR,SPM, PPKTJ and even Tsukuba university, i came to realized that I passed all these exam with flying colors, not because of the hard work or the little intelligence in myself, but LUCK.
I always think that I am too lucky to come this far. There are more people that I know who deserve this than me.

I should appreciate for what I am having now, but I start to find that life here is boring. I need some exciting happenings in my daily routine. Not that desperate for new things but I feel like I am spending my three years here without feeling the true happiness.

In the previous post, I told myself to enjoy every little moment to achieve happiness. , And I have failed the mission within one month.( I had temper heated up these few days. )

Sometimes just feel like quitting the life in Japan and go wild, go crazy. But I know that kind of lifestyle doesn't suit me. Just want to try something different but couldn't come up of any ideas...

May be do something different in small things in my daily life.
I will tell you what I have done when I have something done. Haha!!

Till then!!!

Happiness

These few days, I am being so positive thinking that even there were unhappy thing happened but I just took them easily. I like this kind of feeling, of being happy.. not care about those trivial things that I have always cared.
I want to feel how I feel now everyday. Like worrying not much,care no much and enjoy every little moment.

Yeah, May be that's what happiness means--->enjoy every little moment.

Cheer =)

couldn't come out of any idea on the title for this post.

Just feel like writing down something I have thought recently, and killing my time.

Well, I kow it's Saturday and I have been spending it 'wisely' by sleeping for the whole day. I woke up, take my meal and slept again. haha. what a way to enjoy the weekend. Just came back from a conference in Nagano,for three days, in suit. That was really killing me. Wearing suit and he high heels just kill me (although I feel smart in it. XD hahaha.)

So, what I wanted to say?? 

Okay,  I forgot.... WTF.

I think I have to go into my bed and let my mind rearrange everything I have been thinking these days. Too many things happened, and too many thoughts that occupied my mind.
Wish me luck for my Japanese Language Proficiency Test tomorrow..

Till then( until I recall what I wanted to say in this post) LOL

Who; When; Where

Who When Where. 这三个字，很简单。

但是一直都在问自己，Who; When; Where;

Who

谁是知己，谁是朋友，谁只是一面之缘的人？

谁是命中注定的人，

谁是只是路过人？

谁是敌人，谁是贵人，谁是恩人。

未来我又会遇见谁/

在我生活里，他们扮演的是谁。

When

什么时候，遇到真正的知己，

什么时候命中注定的人会出现.

什么时候发现路过的人，就是我的恩人，贵人。

什么时候知道要珍惜，什么时候知道得放下。

什么时候让自己更宽容，什么时候变得更有智慧。

什么时候找到“自己”

Where

东南西北，上下左右。

向哪里走，才不会迷路。

向哪里追，才会找到？

往哪方面想，才不会悲观。

往哪方面思考，才会找见思路？

who;whern;where

其实都不重要。

Pogress by Kokua スガシカオ

There is one song that I am addicted to recently. The first time I heard this song, the rhythm attracted me and  made me feel good. My days started with good mood after hearing this song.   wanna share with everybody around me the time I found out this song in youtube. still feel not enough and I wanna share it here!!

There is one sentence I like.

'だれも知らない世界へ向かっていく勇気を’ミライ’っていうらしい'

which means 'the courage to move forward to the unknown world is called braveness. '

the main message of this song is to courage people to take one more step forward no matter who you are. Be strong and confident.

Moody

Summer holidays is nearing. 2 more days, it will be holiday.
 one more week, I will be back in Malaysia, my home.
But I am not excited at all.

I become so so lazy that I dont feel like doing anything. I need rest.
But I have been a lazy girl for a month. I think it should be enough already.
I have to think of a plan, a plan to prepare myself for the university life.
Still very childish, and not rational and mature enough to face problems and solve it.

I am so moody and down, or like the Japanese said 'yarukinai' these days that I think I shouldnt be like this. This is not how a matured person should do.

well, I am trying to do the best I can with this not-so-good mood.
Final exam ends tomorrow.
Gonna finish up my assignments and reports before going home.
Friend invited me to go Nagaoka for the best Fireworks show in Japan, but I have lots of stuff in hands, and had to reject him.
enjoy bro!
hope that I have the chance again.

Till then.

Writing Skill

I think I really have to brush up my writing skill in whatever languages I know currently.(*am going to learn more.hehehe). I was trying to update my blog on the GOOD NEWS I got a few that ago. Was hesitating to use Chinese or English(or Japanese?) and finally decided to write in English.
BUT! I know too few vocabulary and limited writing skill made the post like shit. I cant express the best using nice sentence! The only word I know is `happy`. Well, I want to tell how happy I am but I couldnt express how happy I feel.. OMG.

and so I gave up writing the post and instead I am writing this post. (wink :)  )
But I will update about my passing of university entrance exam soon. Well, yeah, I got the university I have been aiming, the University of Tsukuba..=)

School assignments are piling up like mountain, most have to be done in Japanese, well, all are in Japanese to be accurate. This is the period when the 5th year students in my kosen starting to prepare research report for the mid term presentation of our reasearch. Again, I have no confidence at all in finishing the report in time, and using good japanese language like the natives.
Japanese, English, Chinese, Malay. Japanese friends think I am awesome for being able to speak many languages (and I think this is the reason I got the university). But I am very unsatisfied with my proficiency of any of these. all half-filled water level (半桶水) hahaha.
What can I do to improve my writing and speaking skills?
Read more and write more and speak more?? watching movie and drama will be the best right? hahahaah, but dont have such time for it laahh..

Lets see how much I can mprove in half year time. OMG, this is difficult! but I will try my best.

告一段落

这半年来心里的包袱，终于可以告一段落。
为了考上大学，奔波了5 天，也打扰了几位学长的家。
考试，是让我很紧张，担心，但是不至于水不着觉。
这次的考试，可以说是开心的事情。
可以遇见我不舍的学长，好像以前被他们呵护，关心的感觉，好怀念。那三天，过得好开心。接下来见的两位学姐也是很贴心的指导帮助。
在国外，朋友和学长门就像家人，互相帮助，互相支持。
更幸运的是，我在日本遇见的贵人，如果不是因为他，我当天不会那么有自信的去考试。

大学成绩见在下个星期二，和星期五放榜。
现在的心情，其实不会很复杂。
也许知道自己已经尽力了，所以结果并不重要。
对自己这次的表现，还蛮满意的。
已经最好的自己表现出来，能不能考进那间大学，
应该是靠命运了吧。

休息两三天，再找回一直以来的自己，重新开始奋斗。

#1 两位很亲切的学姐

#2 这是我最想考上的大学的图书馆。环境很不错吧！

#3 筑波大学

对自己说，お疲れさんです。

Thank you for the Memories.

Its 2012, another new year, and it is totally a new one for me.


Two days ago, I asked, what is love. What it feels. What it means, what is it.
you know what love is, when you start to care.
You know what love is, when you are giving without asking asking back.
Love, is a word that confuse mankind, Nobody has an answer for love,
as it's definition differs and depend on who,what,when, where and why.
But today,still,I am not sure know what love is. I lost him, but I got the answer I have been looking for.


May be we know what love is, when we lost it.


chose to be honest to ourselves,revealed all the problems and truth that hidden by the distance between us.
I know there is no way back anymore, because this time,
I chose to gave up. I wan to be honest to myself.
I chose not to give another chance,because I believe with what I think.
3 years is definitely a long one, I become tough, i grown up, all because of him. sadness will fade away with time, but happiness stays. Everything is going to be okay and fine,because I know you will too.
No one is right or wrong in love. that's all.


'If only if there is an equation for love.'


Thank you for all the memories.

better to be alone...

I can't explain how I feel now, I just want to get rid all the thoughts that occupying my mind these days.I want to be alone though I long for chatting and laughing..
I forgot how to laugh like I used to.Laughing like a crazy,with her mouth big opened.
I couldn't smile from the bottom of my heart.Even when i talk,there are a lot of evasions.

I have had a lot of friends and they complimented on my good relations with people around me,
they envied my caring and kindness to people.
BUT,they do not know the truth that I didn't do much on getting friends because
I don't like socializing, racking my brain to come out with a boring and meaningless conversation topic.All I did, until today,was follow.I don;t approach people to starts a conversation,somehow, i do have the chance getting new friends.Of course, not many.
And this has brought me into a struggling in myself.

I strongly believe that I should not get close and start liking,admiring someone. When i did, there always are problems occurred. Because the weakness of the person and myself get obvious from time to time.May be long term toleration isn't noted in my dictionary. I can put up with someone by keeping quiet, but there is a limit,and now, it is close to the red line..
I am controlling myself from making the situation worse by being reticent about my inner feeling.

I realized what kind of life i have been longing for.It is just a normal life a teenager will go through.I long for a free mind, a true friend,and someone who loves me. I am going through a normal life, I have 2 true friends,soul mates,and a man who loves me.A free mind,I need you.

dont say that I am being calculating in fact you are the one who is being calculating.
dont be so confidence with yourself if you are not sure about it.
I didnt know I did the wrong thing, nor wanted to do the things you complaint after I did it.because I dont know!
I didnt want to forget too, but i forget! what am I going to do?forgetting is not my intention!
The mind is piled up with exclamation marks which i wish to shout it out(it would be the best if the target is you!!)
dont wanna think about the relationships with the Japanese,dont wanna think about being proactive, dont wanna think about how to put up with someone who has helped me before.

How glad if I am being alone now, without you bothering me, or me bothering you.
How glad if only I could be cool like now but not hesitating nor worrying about it.

To you who knows what I mean:You do realized these dont you?even you dont, I hope that You will realized this one day. At least there is someone understand how I feel and stand by my side,telling me I wasnt wrong...

school again!

two days since school started.
classes were boring as every lecturer came in and asked us about our holidays..
and whenever they asked, i felt annoyed. something strong and heavy emerged and made me uncomfortable.

but today's lesson was a it different from yesterday's
because they are new to me in this final semester..
Applied Physics and Quantum Theory... sounds hard huh.. is worrying about these subjects.
it was Applied Physics lesson had in this morning. the lecturer looks nice and he talks slow
He explained the syllabus into very very detailed..lets see how detailed he is .
He reminded us to bring some necessary materials in next coming lesson,so he wrote them down on the blackboard.
1.physics textbook
2.Applied Physics experiment booklet
3.Neopal Physics questions
4.pencils,erasers,calculators
Note that!!!
Who doesnt bring pencils and erasers to school!!
i nearly laughed out loud in the class..XD

After recess, i was sitting at my desk and my tutor was still, quite as we always be..
we both are quiet because we have no close friends.
I dont feel like chatting with the girls even though they are standing beside me.. just dont..
dont like to "ying chou"lol.
but in my tutor's case, she is different may be..
then i offered her to study together after classes so that she can fill up her task list which shows her work as a tutor guiding me. if not, she wont be receiving money.
soon after i said so, i regretted.. XD..
no more freedom for me and the main thing is, i have to face her every minutes other than my sleeping time.. help me...

Again, misery occupied my heart ...