a tiring and stressingweek..

this week had been a hard week for me.. the assignments were given by the sensei as if we are very very free and as if we have a lot of time to do those freaking things.

just had two reports to redo, but the JUST is not just a JUST..it makes me stayed awake for days,

and the exam is on the corner. no time to sleep , no time to revise, no time to play, no time to go shopping, no time to do my favourite things..

yuri helped me a lot with my experiment c(electrolysis of NaCl).. she is joyous even the studies is stressful.. i did the report in her room , until 4am , lydia slept early that nite.

today, i slept in the classes.. too tired.. couldnt get my eyes open even for 10seconds,,

ended up with question marks with the lecture, and i left the class without saying bye to yuri..

mayuko was admitted into the hospital 3am this morning,because of appendix . how about her exam??

i skipped the jasmani class, slept ....

the night, we , foreign students in tokyo kosen had dinner together at sizeria italian restaurant.10 of us(job was absent)had a discussion about how we being treated by the japanese , and we were finding a solution for the problem..

the problem is that the japanese is looking at us foreign students in a small group compared to the japanese,, a little mistake done by one of us affected the whole group ..

suba wants us to cooperate and work as one group, do our responsibility and earn back their respects towards us..i gave no comments and i felt my existance a minor one.

i am depressed on my self ..the feeling of not being good enough as a student, a friend and a scholar,has been growing stronger and stronger.. found myself rely on people more than before and i still, mind how people judge me.. heard tj said that sze yang said i have no own perception , (tiada pendirian sendiri).. i mind how people judge me.. and i knw that a person cant be success if he or she minds how people think about him or her..

i starts to feel useless.. i told xinyi about this, she gave me a nice one. learn to love yourself

learning to love myself.. yea, i hav not been loving myself that much.. if i hav had loved myself much, i would hav think about my future, my dreams and what my heart really wants..

thing doesnt go smoothly these days.. feel unsafe with fu wei and me relationship..