saturday!!!

the exam is near but i still have a lot of assignments to do. slept 3am this morning and woke up at 10am .day is long but i have been wasting the time fishing in front of my books, with pens on my hand.

11.30am, made lunch and pancake with lydia!!!

wow. fmaking pancake for the first time!!look nice huh?? hehe..

and it tasted nice also!! with butter cream and strawberry jam on top of it!!

i am missing him. i want to sms him ,but he doesnt like to sms.. hmm..what should i do?? how to get rid of my sleepiness?? i want to study!!!!

tomorrow, will be joining jun hao's bureau on the asean festival, and there is the 1st meeting of us tomorrow. yesterday was jia zi's birthday but we will celebrate for her tomorrow, going to harajuku!!! yahoo!! shopping!!!!

however, the forecast says that it gonna raining tomorrow.. haiyo!!

anyway, i am nervous about tomorrow's meeting, !!! who and what kind of people will i meet there?? hehe

a tiring and stressingweek..

this week had been a hard week for me.. the assignments were given by the sensei as if we are very very free and as if we have a lot of time to do those freaking things.

just had two reports to redo, but the JUST is not just a JUST..it makes me stayed awake for days,

and the exam is on the corner. no time to sleep , no time to revise, no time to play, no time to go shopping, no time to do my favourite things..

yuri helped me a lot with my experiment c(electrolysis of NaCl).. she is joyous even the studies is stressful.. i did the report in her room , until 4am , lydia slept early that nite.

today, i slept in the classes.. too tired.. couldnt get my eyes open even for 10seconds,,

ended up with question marks with the lecture, and i left the class without saying bye to yuri..

mayuko was admitted into the hospital 3am this morning,because of appendix . how about her exam??

i skipped the jasmani class, slept ....

the night, we , foreign students in tokyo kosen had dinner together at sizeria italian restaurant.10 of us(job was absent)had a discussion about how we being treated by the japanese , and we were finding a solution for the problem..

the problem is that the japanese is looking at us foreign students in a small group compared to the japanese,, a little mistake done by one of us affected the whole group ..

suba wants us to cooperate and work as one group, do our responsibility and earn back their respects towards us..i gave no comments and i felt my existance a minor one.

i am depressed on my self ..the feeling of not being good enough as a student, a friend and a scholar,has been growing stronger and stronger.. found myself rely on people more than before and i still, mind how people judge me.. heard tj said that sze yang said i have no own perception , (tiada pendirian sendiri).. i mind how people judge me.. and i knw that a person cant be success if he or she minds how people think about him or her..

i starts to feel useless.. i told xinyi about this, she gave me a nice one. learn to love yourself

learning to love myself.. yea, i hav not been loving myself that much.. if i hav had loved myself much, i would hav think about my future, my dreams and what my heart really wants..

thing doesnt go smoothly these days.. feel unsafe with fu wei and me relationship..

开心

2010 年5月10~14日

这一个星期，除了忙只能说忙。

因为报告，每天都是凌晨三点后才睡。

再加上两个星期后的中期考试的温习。就连温习都还没开始过。

这次糟了，真的糟了。

不能想象我的成绩会是怎样的。

不知道是不是已经习惯了这种生活，

我这几天都没有低落，没有压力。

我喜欢这样的我。

打给家人的时间不是没有，就是没有像到。

上星期六（母亲节的前夕）打了同电话给妈妈。

妈的声音，让我感觉到她很开心，但是却忍不住流眼泪。

我在电话的另一个尽头，笑妈妈别哭。

爸爸就很关心，问了很多很多，直安慰我在功课上，生活上的问题，

而有趣的是，我并没有诉苦的意思。

爸爸心里是很担心我，我懂。

他还说，需要的东西就别省，该买就买，

它可以寄钱给我。==

什么吗，我在这里想存钱回家，他在另一头说要寄钱给我，好可爱。

本来计划今年夏天回马，但是最后还是决定不会了。

到日本还没一年就回家，不太想哦

我。。

重要，不重要。

什么事情对你而言，是重要的？什么又是不重要的？

2010年5月8日的凌晨，与lydia在宿舍二楼呆了一个晚上。

聊了一些关于人生的话题。

现在的我，在日本求学，是为了什么？

现在的我，一无是处。

现在的我，轻易放弃。

现在的我，不勇于尝试。

现在的我，优柔果断。

现在的我，不知足。

我不喜欢现在的我。

已经二十岁了，思想行动都不成熟。

脑袋里，心里，都有很多很多想学，想做的事情。

但是往往因为小小的不如意而放弃。

其实这并不是我刚想到的问题，

在长大过程中，我学会听，学会思考，但是就只空于想，

没有行动。我知道自己的缺点，要改，但是最大的缺点就是

不会因为要而去争取。

我没有试过去争取，更没有试过去努力。

非常羡慕那些有梦想，有目标的人。

就算他们没有达到自己设好的目标，

梦想还没城真，

但至少他们心里懂自己要的是什么。

在长大过程中，我有过梦，有过爱好，

但是因为没有坚持，被学业，爱情，朋友关系朦胧了眼睛，

让有过的梦，以忙为借口，随着岁月流逝、。。。

The malaysia government is really really kind.it gave us money that is more than enough to get everthing we need , or we haveto buy.. me and tun jie, with the leading and helping of my sempais..(komatsu, zul, lydia nad sze yang)we hav got everthing done ..
The first day I reached hachioji,tokyo,we were wearing the jpa suits.. and the damn painful formal shoes .we walked for KMs .. and my toes were like almost break and no feeling… he had our important things done in a very fast way.. in one day, we have had our own bank account, registered as a foreinger in japan, made a chop (signature) bought the blanket, bed shet, most of the needed things la.
Second day in tokyo kosen… finally could go for shopping with lydia and sze yang(I hav been waiting for lydia for one whole day)oh my god,, I like my kosen!! It is so convinient as the nearest staion in just 3mins walking distance away … around the building of kosen there are a lot of restaurants and most of them are cheap and oishii!!!! But if counted in ringgit sure expensive lo…the most important one, is that there is one big shopping centre just right beside my hostel.. and the daiso(100yen shop) is judt located in front of my kosen!!! How convenient!! I one cold storage market, one cheep things market.. a lot la.. just shopping…
The first few days were kind of busy for us as we were buying the daily thingy like laundry bag,mirror,clock,pencil case(I bouhgt one for my sister too,mickey again.. haha)books,blankets…etc… nearest staion in just 3mins walking distance away from kosen. there are a lot of restaurants and most are selling cheap and oishii food!!!!! But if counted in ringgit sure expensive lo…the most important one, is that there is one big shopping centre just right beside my hostel.. and the daiso(100yen shop) is judt located in front of my kosen!!! How convenient!! I one cold storage market, one economical price shop..
3rd april.Saturday, we went for the hanami(sakura seeing). The sakura bloomed in a few days,, we went to yoyogi park,a famous park for hanami… crowded of ppl there , bringing along mates and food, radio, drinks.. likr partying in the beautiful park un der the pink sakura… most of the malaysian student had come that day.. it was a cold day..i met soon kie and xin yi ,subaiha,ahmad,yangherk, siang thye, they all..and sempai.. But havent met xue mey, si gee, angela and fu wei after we seperated .. we left there the gathering before it ended as we had orientation on the afternoon…so reluctant to leave th e gathering..
The entrance ceremony was boring!!! Boring and boring.. singing of songs, speech, certificates give away then finished.. ==” but it is different to malaysia as we don’t hav so formal ceremony for the new students, here,in japan, they made the day very meaningful to the first year students..

first time

First time, I left my country.

First time, I left my family and friends for a long period

First time, I boarded on a plane.

First time, I stepped onto the land of sunriser,japan..

I landed on the narita airport on 30^th march, around 7am.. and it was only 1 degree celcius..

The wheather was cold but luckily was a sunny day, kept us warmer.. the strong wind just made me trembling.. the places are different with malaysia.. the building are rectangle, the roads are black(like a new one), no rubbish at all… we headed to the embassy of malaysia in shibuya,japan after ..

Everyone seemed excited at first, but the orientation in the embassy was really boring andmost of us had fall asleep… it was really a bad attitude as we are the scholars, the chosen students to come to this high cost country for further studies, but we just couldn’t control our eyes.. the eyes closed tight without notice.. really tired

.Finally, we were led to the hotel!!!!! Around 5.10pm…no time for us to rest. Sempai’s from kisarazu,gunma,and one from nagaoka kosen brought us for dinner that day.. we had soba for our dinner!!! The dishes here are in big size.. I thought the japanese eat a little before I come to japan, but it was the other way round. They eat lot lot more than malaysia an yet, they couldn’t get obessed… I wonder why….we had briefing for msaj that night.. 10.30pm, all the chinese went to a sakeya( drinks) just behind the hotel.. we tried different kinds of alcoholic drinks.. only me, who was the only one ordered for juice.. but it was a special juice actually.. haha. Fu wei was drunk. His face was red like the hibiscus.. was a bit shocked that time…

Teenager, still, we are energetic… we gathered again in a room and chatted for hours… chatting while eating crisps!! Nice…

First time,I met sempai’s (though noy all)that we only met before in facebook

First time, I chatted so happily with jia zi that night.

First time, I found myself couldn’t enjoy myself to the fullest

First time, I feel the bond of malaysian out of country is closer than we thought..

I am pleased to be a malaysian., without her, I couldn’t have been there, experienced all these..\

Thank you…

新年快乐，情人节快乐。。。

今年，很特别。。。 两个大日子落在同一天。。
除夕夜那晚，电话网络忙得不得了。

20年来，第一次真正的呆在厨房帮忙妈妈准备团圆饭。
好忙，好不好玩。我真的不喜欢呆在厨房。
吃饱后，一家六口拍合照，我们玩得很疯，连爸妈也一起来。
我们四兄弟姐妹狂吻爸妈的脸，他们也喊开怀。。

今天，除了是除夕夜，也是我和他重新来过的一天。
我，傻吗？不会，只要我们开心，就不会是件傻事。。