Chyesinitive Thought

Monday, May 28, 2012

I am sorry, Ma...

I am sorry Mama, for forgetting your birthday. You called me three hours before your day ended, hoping that I would wish you. I totally forgot and even hung up your call without talking more than 5 sentences. I am sorry Ma, I feel so bad about this.

Helping my juniors on her report could not be an excuse for that, indeed, there is no any forgivable excuse for forgetting your own mother's birthday.

I realized only when I saw 'da jie's message. Tears dropped at the moment I saw her message. I am not a good daughter.

I called home, but nobody answered. trying to hold back my tears, and tried to call papa's cellphone.

Papa answered my call. Still, I broke off and couldn't say a word to him.

Papa passed the phone to you, and I feel worse hearing your voice. because you were crying too.

I am so sorry for not being more concern, sorry for not calling you more often.

I didnt say sorry, because I know sorry couldnt help anything better, but make you sadder.

I didnt say Happy birthday to you because I know you are not happy without all your children by your side.

I didnt say I love you too because.... I dont know why.

All I said was just trying to explain what happened just now. and I realized those were just excuses.

I promise I will call home more often after I settle all the stuff I am facing now.

I was not intended to make you and papa worry.

I am sorry.

Happy belated birthday, Ma.....

I love you.

Friday, May 25, 2012

Regret

I care so much about how people think and judge me.
I trying to be as best as I can in front of people.

I was asked to give a talk on the my internship experience to the juniors.
There were three seniors of us, giving our talk 30min ago.
They prepared well for the talk by preparing power point. While I didn't prepare at all, just make my report into PDF file.XD. I didn't prepare any script for that, as if I could talk on the spot.
Then only realized that I could not express my thought in Japanese, well, I think any languages that I can speaks now also can't help much.

Okay, now I regret that I didn't prepare for the talk. Although its not so significant talk, I feel bad on my performance. I could have done better. Just that I need to prepare, and overcome the panic talking in front of people.

Beside regretness, I am proud of myself, for taking the challenge, also getting the opportunity from the lecturer.
Sorry to the lecturer that I didn't talk about what he wanted from me.
Because I was the only student went to the internship that is out of my study field.

I am not a perfectionist, that makes me do things without a good ending.

Okay. Resolution for the year,
continuing on the previous post:

Prepare beforehand and think no panic but express yourself well!!!!!!!

Phewwwww
Someone please Consult me. =(

Saturday, May 19, 2012

Head vs heart

“@Oprah_World:follow your feelings. If it feels right, move forward. If it doesn't feel right, don't do it. -Oprah”

I believe most of us heard of sentence similar to this before.
There are idioms and wise quotes, that motivate, heal and calm people.
However this quotes is like demotivating myself from sitting university entrance exam.
Seeing my friends getting their future decided makes me worry more.

My mind doesnt works well these few months, it should be getting smarter but instead, it got slower.
The sentimental thought didn't visit me for some time , not until I saw the quote above.
Arghh. Should I continue with what I am doing right now? I don't feel right doing what I am doing now.
Komattana~~~~~

Well, less than two months, see how far I can go. Challenge mode should be switch on!
But obstacles are more to come. Oh no!

Conclusion:do the best I can.

Till then!

Tuesday, May 8, 2012

五月病　`May Syndrome`

The Japanese call it 五月病or literally May Syndrome.
People feel tired and fed up with life routine, stressed up with their responsibilities etc after the Golden Week(GW) .If you know Japan well, they have one week public holiday once in a year, to celebrate Showa Day(29 April)Constitution Memorial Day(3 May), Greenery Day(4 May) and Children`s Day(5 May).
April is the beginning of one term,students get into new school, graduates step into their first work place etc, because April indictates spring,the first season out of the four. And just about one month after the begining of EVERYTHING, there is this Golden Week.the week that everybody looking forward to the most! For students like me, we go travelling, meeting friends etc. but not all of us could. So pity my junior have to stay in her room, finishing up her report which had to be handed in once school reopen. hahaha..Some even have part time jobs tighly packed in their schedule to earn more money for their school fees.

Well, for me, I went to a gathering, where the juniors and seniors of my program come gather at a place. It was a place call Ootizawa Youth Center(大地沢青少年センター), in Machida（町田）,
30min train-distance from the place I staying.We had games, pillow talks, food, and BBQ!!! So regret that I didnt take any pictures there. I dont have camera!! may be i should buy a new camera, so that I can update my blog more often.(excuse for not uppdating my blogXD). I always look forward to meeting seniors and juniors during this time once in a year, because I like meeting the new faces from Malaysia, and seeing the `old` faces.

Back to the title of this post, May syndrome. I think I am having this syndrome now. back from the gathering, I did only sleeping but no others. I was suppose to be studying like a good girl, but I slept and watched TV instead. wasting time rolling on my bed. Then school reopened yesterday. To-do-list was blank not until I realised that too much pending tasks that hidden in my mind for 4 days is overflowing in my head.
overflow overflow, and I began to worry and panic. Too panic that I couldnt calm down, even broke off in front of my dad. sorry papa,mama and sis for making you worry!

She told me that this is the time i have to learn handling hard feelings and see the condition without fear. She told me go step by step, listing down all the to-do-task on a paper, not in the mind.
Then I realised things wasnt that complicated as i thought. Panic just make things no good but worst.

Learn and grow.

argh, i realised I didnt explain much on the definition of May Syndrome. hahah. search the web yourself la, hahahah,.

Till then!

suddenly have some new resolutions in my mind.so i write it down here.
1. Be humble
2. Not self-centred anymore
3. better English and Japanese proficiency
4.
5.
6.
more to come!

Sunday, April 1, 2012

四月一号; 星期日

2012年四月的第一天, 是星期日.
本来想说今天是一个星期的开始.
但是明天才是.
正常是星期一嘛.

在我家乡,星期日代表一周的开始,,
我曾经讨厌星期天,
因为周末结束,
要早起去上课,没得赖床!!

但是离开家乡,
在外地求学,
星期日成了我喜欢的天,
因为在这天,
我可以呆在房间,
荒废时间.
说是荒废,但是对我来说,
并不是荒废,也不是浪费.
因为我需要那一天,
放松放松!!!

现在马来西亚电台My fm播放着张国荣的歌曲哦!
还是老歌最好听!
今天可是已故的张国荣,一代巨星的忌日.
想到张国荣.就想起了梅艳芳.
有点想念他们的电影.

四月的第一天,
回顾过去三个月,
发生了很多事,
但是发现自己还是那样浪费时光,
考大学的温习,一点一点的在读着,
但是进度很慢,很慢.
很担心,很压力,
不懂该从哪开始.
为了这考试,我没回家.

四月了,
再这样下去,
可惨了.
加油吧,陈彩馨.

Thursday, March 29, 2012

16th March

March, is always my favorite month of all. March is my month, the month I was born.I am always proud to be a Piscesian.
A Piscesian possesses characteristics like sensitive, gentle, vulnerable, easygoing and most importantly, they prioritize love and relationship and sometimes exists emotionally rather erationally. They tend to be imaginative and creative.
I personally think that my personality fit to a typical Piscesian except the creativity.XD
Sometimes, I like to be 'emo' and 'lost because I know myself better in such way, I tend to think seriously only when I am upset. and I think I am special in this way.hehe

I sometimes belive in zodiac, that I starts to wonder if engineering is the right journey for me. The zodiac says that a Pisces works with beautiful things and may success in work related to arts and design. I should have gone to Lim Kok Weng. ahahaha. Kidding la.
Japan is a beautiful place, may be Japan is the 'beautiful thing' that I am working in. haha.

Celebrated birthday with seniors and friends during a trip to Nikko.8 of us was enjoying chit-chatting and drinking in the hotel in Kinugawa. Time flies, seniors would be leaving soon, and the three funny guys from Finland were leaving Japan in two days time. Feel reluctant to say goodbye, but saying goodbye is unevitable.

Thank you guys for the surprise!=)

Dad, mom and sister bought me a cake and we blow the candle over the the screen of my lappie.A tiramisu flavored one. Birthday celebration seems to be a tradition of my family. It's like a MUST to celebrate the birthday of each of us, to show our love, our rememberance and care to each other. I was upset and down until they showed me the birthday cake over the screen.
Heart was warm and happy seeing them switching off the light and fan, trying to light up the candle. Swtiched on and off for three times, finally the celebration finished by a birthday song and blowing candle together. Dad was like a big baby boy, so cute that I couldnt help to laugh.haha.Mom was looking at me quietly, like always, but I know she misses me very much. Sister busy taking photo. ahahah. She edited the picture taken and made a pictue collage with them.
taddaa!!!! A nice picture right? hehe

Thank you da jie... love!

Unlike the last 21 years, I always had big cake where we could share together. Cakes were always unfinished and kept in the fridge and then mom always had to bother on the leftover cakes. Well, I had cake this year too, hadn't I? aAnd mom didnt have to worry about the leftover cake too, haha.
i wish I ciould go back to hoe, to their sides soon. but I realized that I prioritize works than family, I am not a workaholic though.

while, there were something disappointing too. Friends in Facebook posting birthday wishes even though my birthday has past, and guess what, they were my friends for 10 years and above. That was why I felt bad about it. There was even one guy thought that 18th was my birthday, and he called me in the 2am ,MIDNIGHT!!!!!!!!!! oh, midnight man!!! 21st century, the existance of SNS is not definitely a good thing for the world. haha.

Sunday, March 25, 2012

Nagano: Indicating the beginning of March; the starting of laboratory life

1st March, I had a three days trip Nagano(長野) for an study on a microscopy technique, the TEM(Transmission Electronic Microscope) which I have to master this for my research this year. So, this was the main purpose we wen to Nagano College of Technology to meet Mr Oshida, who is using TEM for his research too.My research is about Carbon, or mainly graphite intercalation compound. It is difficult just like how it sounds. haha.

Hmm, since we semangat go to Nagano from Tokyo, we made use of the chance by travelling around Nagano too. I like Japan, because the scenery here is so nice, that I wish I were a painter, that I could draw them on papers, and keep it with me. I wish I were a professional photographer,that every picture of the scenery Were nicely taken. Well, I still dont have my own camera and could only capture using my iPhone.

Nagano was a nice place. crowded city, but not hectic as Tokyo.

#1 an Ashiyu(足湯) in at the platform of a station.

#2 電子情報工学科,which is Electronic Information Engineering in direct translation.Mr Oshida is with this department

#3 Taken this picture rigth before Mr Oshida opened his door, terkejut me!

#4 the two girls are my lab-mates while the handsome looking guy is the prof, in the building of Nagano Kosen,waiting for Mr Oshida

Talking about Nagano, Zenko-Ji is a must-go-place.

#5 The long path viewed from top of the entrance of the temple

#6 zenko-Ji

#7 shops long the path to the main hall of the temple

#7 Oyaki( お焼き) is famous in Nagano. It looks like chai kui yang digoreng, instead of kuchai, they had radish, fried vegetables, red beans and apple inside.it tasted totally different! Chai kueh taste 100 times nicer.well. the apple one is nice too, but still cant be compared with malaysian Chai kueh hahahah.